As those of you who follow me on social media may have guessed, I recently moved to Minneapolis and almost immediately got caught up in the theater scene. My first role was Natasha, the quirkily creepy, spider-loving escapee from the lunatic asylum at the haunted attraction Scream Town. Natasha got to wander around the park warning people about the dangers of enchanted apple cider, looking for her lost spider, Spencer (named after Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds), being befuddled by people's attempts to take selfies with her (she'd let them if they could convince her they wouldn't steal her soul or beam her up to another planet that didn't meet her survival needs), singing bits and pieces of the Mozart Requiem and Carmina Burana, trying to ward off the resident hostile alien with a feather boa, and running away from escaped serial killer Diesel Jones, who thought she'd look smashing after taking a wrench to the head. Shortly afterwards, I was cast as Olivia, a saner, more normal murder victim, in a student production.
Getting back into acting made me realize that while ever profession has their things they get to say that other people don't, actors seem to have their own special space in the annuls of things that sound completely bizarre out of context.
I'm going to list a few here that I've either said in the past month or heard other actors say.

1. You can try to kill me tonight, but I'm not going to be able to scream. (Other variations being, "Don't try to kill me tonight. I'm just not feeling up to it,"  "You can kill me tonight if you want," and "I'm looking forward to you killing me tonight.")
2. I love seeing blood go down the shower drain at the end of the night.
3. I can't hang out with you next weekend. I have to die.
4. Can you get me some spiders from the store?
5. Let's get some cracks in your face.
6. Do you want us to take the dead clown out of the bathtub?
7. Could you splatter a bit of blood on me?
8. I worked really hard on my chest. I hope it's not too cold to show it off. (After spending a good deal of time putting elaborate makeup on my upper torso, only to realize it might get cold enough to have to put on a jacket.)

So, fellow actors, what are your favorite "only an actor could say it" moments?