Sexual desires

April 21, 2017
It doesn't bother me one bit if someone's sexually attracted to me. It doesn't bother me if they fantasize about me. It doesn't even bother me if their fantasy is something that I would never want to do. (I'd prefer not to know about it if that's the case, but just the fact that I popped up in someone's thoughts in such a manner doesn't phase me) In fact, I've never understood why that was supposed to be offensive to me. As a woman, I'm sometimes told to cover up and be careful how I act so that people don't have sexual thoughts about me, as if someone having sexual thoughts was something horrible. As if it means that my being the object of some hypothetical person's perfectly normal biological desires somehow negates my humanity. 

The way I see it, a high percentage of adult humans have sexual urges. The average adult human is attractive enough to be sexually appealing to someone. So most of us, at some point, will be both the person having sexual feelings and the person causing them.

What does bother me is when a person can't seem to understand the difference between the real me and the me in their imaginations. What I do in someone else's imagination is none of my business. However, if someone catcalls me, makes lewd remarks, keeps trying to convince me even after I've said no, keeps doing things to I've asked them not to do, and just won't respect my personal space, my rights, my personhood, my autonomy...then there's a problem. Then, they've crossed the line between seeing me as desirable and acting like they are somehow entitled to me. Few things disgust me more than someone acting like what they want for my body, my feelings, my time, myself in general matters more than what I want for those things.

And for what it's worth, the situations I've been in when people have crossed those lines had little to do with how I was dressed or what I was doing at the time. I've been harassed by an overbearing, entitled man in a bus stop when I was wearing a winter parka and minding my own business. I've had a person who was supposed to be my friend try to molest me. I was wearing a modest turtleneck sweater and an office-appropriate pair of trousers at the time. I've also been naked or near naked in groups of people I barely knew and still felt safe and comfortable. In short, I've done things I wasn't supposed to do and been fine, I've followed precautions and still had bad thing happen, and dealt with a whole lot of situations in between.

And when I have been in bad situations, it wasn't the fact that these people felt some sort of desire towards me that was so upsetting, it was the idea that they were so determined to have what they wanted that they no longer saw me as an autonomous human being who was allowed to decide whether or not she wanted to fulfill those desires. It was that feeling that how I felt and what I wanted didn't matter to the other person.

Wanting to have sex with someone is natural. Expecting them to comply and having no regard for what they want is creepy.
 

The actor to the mask

March 24, 2017

What would I be without you?

You, who let me laugh, or dance, or cry without shame

Who let me speak my truth while hiding it

Since I know you'll be the one to take the blame?


Inhibitions and arbitrary notions of propriety

All fall away when you're with me

You make it all somehow acceptable to society

It's what they came to see


What must they think when you're gone,

When I'm suddenly so awkwardly ordinary

Without you to give instincts permission

And my jokes are only funny in my head?


A ...


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I'm not going home for Christmas

December 17, 2016
I'm not going home for Christmas this year.

Yes, I have a plane ticket that I fully intend to use. I will be sitting around the Christmas tree with my parents and siblings participating in the traditions that we've had since I was a little kid. We all love each other and have good relationships with each other. I'm really looking forward to this.

For me, however, going back to the city I grew up in and going home are two entirely different things. It's not that I have bad feelings towards where...
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Theater (and the performing arts in general) as a "safe space"

December 1, 2016
By now, most of us are aware of the story of Hamilton, what happened when Mike Pence showed up, and Donald Trump's tweets in response to it. As a performer, I find the whole story intriguing, particularly Trump's idea that the theater should be a safe space. 

I've been thinking a lot about that idea, actually. Is theater a safe space? Should it be?

The answer to both questions is, "yes and no."

In some ways, performing arts are a safe space. They give their creators a chance to make a point in a...
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How to bike around Minneapolis in your underwear

July 6, 2016
Having been outside of the US for three quarters of a decade, I was pretty excited to go to a proper Fourth of July celebration again.
Well, maybe "proper" isn't the right way to describe it if the activities you choose to partake in are designed to make people question their ideas of what propriety actually is. For example, most people would consider it improper to go out in public without trousers, a skirt, or at least a pair of shorts covering one's lower undergarments. Unless, of course, y...
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Postman for the Dead

May 14, 2016
He's a quiet sort
A nondescript little man
With a secret in his eye
And a hint of a smile

He carries a bag
An oversize messenger bag
It's filled up with letters
Letters to the dead

If you see him
Tip your hat
Say hello
But don't linger too long
Never know when
You might need a favor

But whence he came
And where he goes
I don't know
Oh I don't know

He's a solemn sort
With a subdued chuckle
He occasionally shares
With only himself

When he sneaks a peak
(Sometimes the dead are witty)
Just before he sets
A letter on a ...
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Three and a half inch musings

April 16, 2016
It's been a tradition in my family for a number of years for my mom to give each of us one of those three and a half inch notebooks for Christmas. While mine contain the usual shopping lists and addresses one might expect a notebook of that size to contain, they've also come to serve a different purpose for me: if I'm in a cafe by myself drinking wine, or in a park, or waiting for the bus, or having a break at work, I like to think about life, weird possibilities, odd scenarios, you name it, ...
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You can comment now!

April 10, 2016
I finally figured out how to link Disqus to this site. It doesn't seem to be working for the Legend's Ghost news blog yet, but it does work for this one. So feel free to comment on the blog entries. Please remember, though, that even though this is the internet, you are dealing with living, breathing humans, and you have no idea what any of these humans might be dealing with at the moment. You can disagree with what I or other posters say, but please do so in the spirit of intelligent discuss...
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The damsel in distress, the wounded soldier, and human connection

April 9, 2016
I have a complex relationship with damsel in distress stories. I don't like the idea of the helpless little woman needing the big, strong man to ride in on a white horse to rescue her. I'd rather be the lady who, if she happens to find herself kidnapped and locked in a tower, either slays the dragon, uses her ingenuity to escape, or uses her wits to convince the dragon that it's actually allergic to human flesh, and then goes outside to find an attractive knight in shining armor royally impre...
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Thoughts on The Art of Asking

April 8, 2016
Just finished reading Amanda Palmer's The Art of Asking. Besides being a fascinating story of someone who continually dares to think outside the box, containing a really fascinating philosophy of life based on trust, love, and human connection in a world where so many people are terrified of those very things, and having a lot of really good advice that's given in a natural, non-patronizing way, it made me realize just how complicated a relationship I have with the concept of asking. Asking ...

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About Me


Cherelle-Renée Childs Random musings from the creator of Legend's Ghost.

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